The Life of Pie

I didn’t manage to get to a game this weekend, and won’t for the next two as I’m moving flats (how on earth does one accumulate so much stuff?), however my interest was piqued by an article in Friday’s New York Times about a new arena opening in Brooklyn this week. I’m a big fan of American sports and they lead the way in terms of innovation in the way they package and present sport. You might not have a clue what’s going on inside the arena/ballpark/stadium but you sure as hell will have a good time.

The Barclays Center can host 18,000 people for basketball games and the new arena will host 37 different Brooklyn restaurateurs. The owners of the arena scouted 130 Brooklyn businesses to find the best products for their paying customers. A one-size-fits-all approach this ain’t.

I’m sure at this point you’ll be asking “well what’s that got to do with Scottish football?” and you’d be right, there isn’t a clear link, but my thinking over the past few weeks has been about the contrast between Scottish football and other ‘normal’ businesses. Just last week I had a conversation with a colleague at work about catering at football games and he said to me: “I mean, why should I bother? If you don’t want to queue, you have to leave during the first half of the game. If you don’t want to miss the game, you’ve to wait in a queue with no guarantee you’ll see the start of the second half. You queue, get served by some young lad or girl with no customer service training, you’re not guaranteed to get the food you want (especially the later you go) and then you’re paying for overpriced rubbish. No other business would accept that many inefficiencies in the system and no right thinking customer would put up with it.” And you know what? You can’t really argue with that.

What I’ve discovered about Scottish football is you can tell if a club has been in the SPL purely on the price of their catering. I’ve trialled this hypothesis and yet to be proven wrong.

In fairness, the lower league clubs have got something right – the service is very personable and the food, most tellingly, is fresh (and tends to be local). But once you get to the SPL (or former SPL clubs) you just feel you are being exploited, and in fairness to the clubs, you’ve got a captive market so it’s slightly understandable. However, why not pit local businesses against each other? Why not diversify the menu? Why not have concession sellers in different parts of the concourse? Why not a la ballparks and arena, have people selling popcorn or hot dogs or drinks in the aisles being delivered to seats? I’ve yet to see a reason why this could not work aside from Scottish football’s inherent conservatism.

Currently, most Scottish football fans pay over the odds for everything: for season tickets, for parking at the grounds, for programmes, for replica shirts, for catering. This is a wholly reductive way of working, slowly squeezing the loyal until they can attend no more.

This is meant to be Scottish football’s annus horribilis, then things can only get better – but only once there is a recognition that Scottish clubs can grow the game. There are things that chairman and owners cannot control: the product on the park, the weather etc but there are many factors they can  and they should be making every effort to ensure that everyone’s visit to a Scottish football ground is a pleasurable experience. For too many clubs, that’s not the case.

Now I’m not at all suggesting that we need cheesecakes, cupcakes and crab sandwiches at Celtic Park or Cappielow but we do need recognition from both clubs and supporters that we deserve better. The clubs need to do better and we, as fans must demand better.